Yes

letting go

Say yes to the morning
whether her breath is cold with discomfort.
Wrap yourself in a blanket of hope.

Say yes to the evening
whether darkness keeps
you awake for hours.
Love the silence of the earth.

Say yes to the day
and all it brings with each hour.
Say yes to your body, mind and soul.
Say yes to love, a smile, a gesture and touch
because you are alive and connecting to
another.

Say yes to life, including sorrow, joy, loss and pain.
Say yes to the opportunities that are sitting ahead.
Just say yes and don’t look back.

Say yes to your stories, embrace them, and let them go.

You have a mission.
Say yes to finding what that is and why you are here.
Accept the purpose for this path….it isn’t a mistake!
It all starts with YES….

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Tornado

tornado

The night’s silence

was deafening

forcing thoughts to

travel into uncharted

corners of my mind.

I journeyed from here to there,

what if’s, when not, what to, where at,

in a lunatic chaotic frenzy.

The wind picked up slightly

inside,

outside,

and I felt the tornado of emotions

whisking through the body.

This is not me in waking hours;

this is not who I am.

I allowed the rhythmically

loving breath to guide me

into calming waters,

and then just like that…

I was asleep again

in the places where fairies run free.

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Our Story

20140513-110235.jpg

This story,

yours and mine,

touches me in the middle of the night

as I long to reach under the warmth

through the

miles of blankets and pillows

to feel your fingertips rubbing mine.

Between the snores, movements,

and exasperation of the room

I lay still

hearing your heart beat against

the fullness of silence

engulfing me with your past stories,

dancing with your present words,

desiring a moment of exhale

where you can be free from the traumas.

I think I loved you before we ever met.

I think I will love you even after this….

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Loving the Discomforts

heartleaf

It is 15 degrees outside.  That’s what reads on my computer screen and from the movement of trees it must feel even colder.  To me it might as well be -5.  I am allergic to the cold weather.  Why do I live on a mountain, you ask?  Well, we came during spring and moved in summer.  I never experienced the cold.  Had I been here during a 25 degree morning it would’ve been the end of my expedition to Western North Carolina!  God had other plans.  I write this smiling while shaking my head in amazement!

I come from a tiny island in the Caribbean.  It is always warm.  I was raised in South Florida.  Sixty degrees for us Floridians is like 20 degrees for everyone else.  We get out the jackets, scarves and boots.  I know I am acclimating to this weather after four years because when it is 50 degrees here I am in tank tops and shorts.  I have been told that my problem with cold weather is the lack of clothing.  I don’t like to bundle up.  I hate wearing layers of material.  I don’t enjoy the thick sweaters on my skin.  I don’t like the amount of extra crap rubbing on me.  It just isn’t a part of my DNA.  I like flowing and light fabric on me.  I love feeling the sun on my shoulders, arms and legs.  I like to get up and go and not worry about hypothermia.   The older I get the more bones create a symphony in the morning time and with the cold…I have an entire opera of crackling.

This morning’s blog is not about complaining. It is about acceptance.  It’s about seeing through the discomforts and loving the parts that bring us there.  We will always complain about something or other when it doesn’t align with our comfort.  In order to love the light you must also love the dark.  It’s the composition of duality.  Our discomfort can be about a job.  It can be about a relationship.  It can be about a new pet.  Whether or not you embrace the issue is not as important as making peace with it.  Is there a difference?  You betcha!  I can embrace a person who is annoying me and still feel nothing.  The moment I find peace in their presence…then I am embodying their entire spirit.  See the difference?  It is about making peace with everything around you.  When we surrender to grace the mystical part of faith appears.  You don’t have to like it.  But, if you accept the discomfort and learn from it then you have given yourself the permission to find serenity. Our egos have a hard time letting go of discomfort.  The ego will nag about it.  It will create drama, twist and turn, churning the simplest issue into the most complicated event.   Ego will always participate in the large spectacle of narcissistic behavior.  “Look at me.  I am so freaking tired of this and that!  Woe is me!  Can’t  you see how miserable I am?”

The cold is just like any other uncomfortable emotion.  It doesn’t feel good.  Depression, sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, and helplessness are unpleasant feelings.  We complain about them, sometimes allowing them to stay with us for a while.  But, just like the cold, there are options to eliminating them.  The ego will fight that rationale to no end.  “No, I’m not going to the doctor!  Nope, I am not going to talk to someone!  Absolutely, no way, am I going to address this crap!”  The emotions become waves of icy water passing through.  Just like hypothermia there can be casualties.   I speak from experience: a stubborn characteristic has it’s time and place.  It’s not always the best leader!

The magic of life is that things pass.  It is only for a short while.  What’s three to four months in a lifespan?  Really not bad!  Imagine all the discomforts we allow for ourselves in our lifetimes!  Think of all we “put up with” for years when we have choices we can make to change.  I am learning to look at discomforts and instead of avoiding them, really figure out the lessons in them.  There are always small lessons in our days.

I love these mountains.  I love the seasons (minus the winter) but I can live with the cold.  However, I refuse to live with anything else that brings me discomfort.  I won’t tolerate long periods of putting myself through chaos.  Peace and tranquility have returned in our home.  Go bundle up and enjoy this day.  Keep warm and make peace with those things that you know are only momentary.  Mucho love!

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Out of Order

exhausted-woman

I’ve hit a new over-achieving goal. I have never been this exhausted before that even my sleep time is tired of not sleeping. My eyes are filled with heaviness and it takes all of me to keep them open. I was once described as the “energizer bunny.” I now know what a battery feels like when it is drained of power except my emotions are accountable while the battery just dies. I don’t know where the energy in me sipping out of and onto. Life keeps moving every second I am forced to move along the escalator ~ going up and down whenever. I hope this is not permanent. I don’t remember this feeling of pure nothingness along with an achy body. It feels as if every cell has given up on me, not even generating new ones. And, I hear myself and the negative thoughts I hate with a passion. This is not me! I hate complaining and I despise this feeling of giving up to everything. Even my passions and desires are in an over extended fatigue. They require a higher vibration that I can’t seem to acquire at this time. But, I am up and writing and watching a baby eat cereal while throwing half of them to the floor for the dog. I am up and willing to give it another day, another night and another chance. I just don’t know when I will be me again. When will I feel the energy and zest I have had for so long? I am too young for this and too old to know better. I have rough edges now that I didn’t before this year. It’s as if the softness in me has been torn apart leaving me raw forcing me to examine intricate parts of me that my psyche had been covering.

I want to examine this “exhaustion” as the ending of an old me. I want to believe it’s like chemo burning all the toxic and rebuilding. Endings are crucial, mystical and abstract in so many levels. I want to believe that by being depleted there’s a purpose because I will be substituted with grace, strength and wisdom. This exhaustion is part of the process of eliminating everything from the past and rebuilding with new materials a healthy future. I want this eternal tiredness to be a part of painful growth that’s almost ending. I have to believe from the core of my new rawness and pain that this is a temporary ailment of spiritual evolution. My spirit is showing me that I am more than I can ever credit myself for being.

Last night I went to pick my best friend up at the airport as she’s been gone for over two weeks working. For an hour an a half on the way home we spoke about my disappearing from social media and the disconnection from friends. I expressed my “concerns” with some of my children who have mental issues and feeling as if I was being under a microscope with regards to my grand-daughter. She expressed with great wisdom, “No matter what you do these people will continue to think and say what they feel like saying. You need to live as authentic as you always have. This is nonsense! You have been in hiding. No wonder you’ve been sick and exhausted. I am exhausted knowing what’s coming and seeing you move through every day with the lack of energy that’s not you at all. You are an amazing mother and a wise woman. Do what you need to do to live your truth. They will say and do whatever they feel like because they are not well.” She said a few other things that made me come home and truly inhale. I went into a deep sleep but sometime in the middle of the morning it hit me and I exhaled out loud, “I’ve been in hiding and it’s not worth it. No wonder I am exhausted. I will never be perfect for anyone. I need to live for me.” You can’t fix crazy. I know this. I have a PhD on this subject. And, just like that I realized I couldn’t continue to feel the claws of depression and uncertainty around my neck strangulating every sell from oxygen.

I found a letter from an old friend in a forgotten pocket of my wallet the other day. It was a message that I needed to read after all this time. And, today, just like that I got it:

My wish for you is to fall in love. Fall in love with yourself, darling, in a way that allows that illuminating light of love to shine onto others. Fall madly in love with yourself in the way you fall in love with nature. Let the world be your lover. Be in love with the universe. Radiate the presence of forgiveness, understanding, and compassion that’s always inside of you. I wish you to fall so profoundly that nothing will hurt you ever again when it pertains to a relationship: any type of love, not just a lover but a child, a parent, and a friend. You have learned that pain and disappointments are just experiences to teach you about the different facets of your soul. I wasn’t your greatest love. I was the catalyst for you to experience it. You ARE your greatest love. Look in the mirror and watch the lover in you reflecting….”

Exhaustion is a reminder that I am human and cannot take on anymore than what my spirit can handle. The body has gone on shut-down mode for a reason. I have to honor this moment. I am fortunate to have a mate who steps up to the plate and a friend who follows the flow of my needs. It’s all part of the growth. And, for now I am reminded of a saying in a store that my friend showed me today. “The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.” I am listening!!!!

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Tender Humanness

humanness

Love knocked,

Truth entered,

Compassion followed…

I inhaled deeply

smiled at Joy,

kissed Faith,

acknowledged Grace and Hope,

stretched open for a caress

finding Spirit embracing us all

through the ripples of oneness.

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Body Talk

hands

Let my body speak to you

through its texture,

shape,

color,

dimples,

scar,

age,

and hear what it says

in the silence of

the imperfections.

 

Let my body dance

swaying,

trembling,

yelling in movements

the mystery of me

never witnessed before,

challenging you

to let everything go.

 

Let my body be a sponge

taking you in,

draining you out,

and drying your own spirit

by way of mysticism

so divinity can sit

with us together…

forever as one.

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