Place of Truth

I have been through a significant growth spurt lately. No, not just the size of my butt, but the expansion of my heart. I have come to some kind of understanding at this age. I am more comfortable with me and how I carry myself. I feel lighter from all the hang-ups, past voices, and self-sabotaging that controlled me in my twenties and thirties. I am living true to myself. I am honest with what I see and how I translate it. I have shredded the labels from society and expectations of how I am supposed to be. I am not so worried about how the information is consumed by another or how they perceive me for that matter. I have also “cleaned house” in relationships, friendships and toxic emotional vampires.

You see, I now know something that my younger self refused to see: truth. You can’t know truth until you live authentically to your soul’s yearning. You will never know that you have been sleeping until you awake. This awakening is nothing more than the acceptance of everything inside of you: weight, health, humor, sadness, anger, fears, and all the yuckiness that comes with being human. It’s all an illusion. When you finally let go of the lies you can learn the truth of happiness, love, and compassion for yourself. When all deception of the ego is gone that’s when your true self lives. I know it’s difficult to understand this but it is part of the healing process. The healing part can get nasty. In order to pass from any dis-ease you have to release. Self-hatred is the nastiest of all diseases. Recovery can be a lonely place…but you are never really alone.

Unfortunately we learn through pain. Pain is only a catalyst from one point to the other. It’s like being stuck inside a well and not being able to get out. You see the light up above but you can’t climb out. It’s only when a rope from above is thrown down that you grab and can get out. That rope is faith. You cannot have faith and fear in the same location. Fear is the act of separation. Fear isolates any kind of spiritual growth. It keeps the ego in business.  Forgiveness is the first step to reach towards faith.

Who you are evolves from where you are right now at this very moment. Your thoughts, your wishes, hopes and dreams come from that place of now. Until this moment every negative thought has been a deception. Love yourself. You cannot love another if you can’t manage to love you with all your light while accepting the perfect imperfections.

The truth is that you are a perfect being that has no need for control. You are divine. You are God. You are love. And, most of all you are the only YOU that will ever exist. Everything you’ve done has brought you here. Choose joy, love and light. You will never know truth until you live authentically. There’s nothing in this world that cannot be attained when you are honest with YOU.

Where I’ve been,

what I’ve done,

is unimportant

to where I am right now.

Who I’ve become

from long ago

is irrelevant

to how I am today.

The lessons and experiences,

painful and degrading,

have taught me

the meaning of perseverance.

I am here now,

removing the veil of deception,

completely awake,

while empowering truth

in all I will ever become.

I am finally real.

I am that which is free.

I am the embodiment of perfection.

I am joy.

I am love.

I am light.

I am All.

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Create for Your Sanity

writing

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.”- Carl Sandburg

One of my closest friend who’s a phenomenal writer, asked me a question the other night, “What is the purpose of poetry?  Why do it?”  I gave her a short answer but throughout the last few weeks I have thought long and hard on this.  And now as I prepare the compilation of love poems I have a better sense of what poetry means to me.

Poetry is my favorite type of writing.  I have thousands upon thousands of poems.  I have no clue how many since a lot of them get thrown away.  I write one or more a day.  Do the math!  I’ve been writing since I was a little girl.  I write poetry because it tells a story in minimal words. It shows through simple phrases how or why, when and what…etc.  It requires the holding back and manipulation of allowing another (you the reader) to enter through lines of voyeurism. Fiction, narration of long stories, well, they tell you how to feel.  Poetry places it so you inhale each line and make it your own.  I don’t care about form, style, punctuation, vocabulary, or anything else that marks a poem as a literary work of art.  I want to know how it feels inside of you and you translate it into words.  Poetry, to me, is the simplicity of adjectives through emotions.

I look back at times at old pieces from years ago and the anger, frustration and sadness fall line upon line.  Yuck!  I can’t even go there but I recognize that it was a part of my life.  I held poetry imprisoned with lack of emotions.  It was forced without flow.  Some of these poems were held in shackles, bonded to some kind of structure, forcing out what I thought was good writing.  It wasn’t.  I am by no means an expert in literature.  I often times don’t manipulate English well enough to be coherent since it is my second language.  But, something is said about finally allowing poetry to write itself without control.  When a line wakes you up in the middle of the night nagging with persistence to birth it on paper, well, that’s a poem from the soul!  Poetry is Divinity in all its glorious and grace.  It is a direct connection to a higher source.

Words fall out quickly when we allow the emotions to unload onto a page.  I believe poetry is a song from the heart.  Worrying about rhyming, structure, and other important literary elements stops the flow of what is really inside.  Yes, these parts that make a poem should come way later after the words are out and about.  Let the spirit of your truth say what it needs to share.  Don’t hold back.  Allow each word to come out without restrains, handcuffs, and enforcement.  Poetry is not about sharing with an audience.  It is about releasing and surrendering.

So, why write poetry?  Hmmm!  I believe to exhale the gaps between the heart and the outer world.  When I write a poem I come in contact with Spirit, the part of me that finds freedom.  Any other form of writing doesn’t come close to it.  The older I get the easier each line falls out.  And, that’s why I write poetry.  It is allowing another to hold my heart in theirs for just a few seconds at a time.

If your soul calls to create, please do it!  To find sanity create what the voice tells you, whether it be a painting, a piece of music, a story, a part of a dance…whatever it may be do it.  This is the Divine speaking through the creative genes in you.  For the sake of my sanity, I pick words.  Whenever I don’t I start to get into a funk.  Writing, as incoherent as it may be at times, is my Valium, my Prozac, and my favorite form of drug.  It alters my moods.  It brings me back to stability.  Don’t hold back.  Just do it.  Whatever it is, please find the courage to follow through.  It is a duty to your spirit.  You weren’t created to not create!

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I Am

I am not a mother
but the place where nurturing arises.
I am not a daughter
but the place where forgiveness lives.
I am not a lover
but the place where passion ignites.
I am not a writer
but the place where words dwell.
I am not a friend
but the place where secrets die.
I am not an artist
but the place where creativity forms.
I am not an example
but the place where Spirit visits.
I am not a woman
but the place where magic flies.
I am not a teacher
but the place where wisdom hides.

I am,
the place of beauty,
strength,
compassion,
perseverance –
all wrapped in Divine presence.

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Seize the Moment

Go to that place in your heart

that shares with no one

in fear of your desires vanishing

and you die a slow and

invaluable death

without anyone really knowing

the real you.

 

Throw yourself into

the world

without

restrictions or rules

and seize each moment

as if it was your last

experiencing

and emerging in the beauty

of all the magic

out there.

 

Speak up,

let your inner voice be heard

so that the Universe

can align with your needs

and you can open

all the doors to opportunity

because there is an endless

capacity to get all you aspire.

 

Seize each moment

and improvise

each second

so you can enjoy

the life you were given

as a gift from the Divine

without the limitations

that your ego dictates inside.

 

Believe that the journey

is adventurous,

spontaneous,

exciting,

and that you are

the greatest explorer

in the world.

 

Live the moment with

awed-stricken

fascination and let go

into the endless possibilities…

 

There is only one original

and it is YOU.

 

 “Lose not yourself in a far off time, seize the moment that is thine.”

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Mother Reticence

A seat waiting for you

Shhh,

hear that?

Quiet….

yes!

It’s all there…

outside.

Shhh,

the water moves,

the trees stretch,

the soil parts ways,

the sky awakes,

growth is here.

Shhh,

listen to your heart beat,

the wheels turning in your head,

your breathing taking over,

and then…

the nothing of letting go.

Shhh,

that’s it…

that’s divinity

calling you

to let you know

that there is nothing to do

but sit,

smile,

and wait for her…

Shhh,

close your eyes,

open your mind,

expand your love,

receive the gifts…

all in front of you.

Ah, shhh,

there

it

is…..

the echoes,

the hall,

the space

of spirit arriving

through

the

silence…

…from…

within.

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Home

homeThe smell of decomposed earth filled my nostrils as I struggled to trek up the mountain.  It had been a while since I’ve hiked alone far from the settings of our retreat center.  I mumble to myself, “I am Home.”  Then I asked myself on the next breath, “What is that?  What is it that defines our home?”

At times home is a description, an intricate noun of familiarity setting a place, person, or thing to feel a connection to our soul.  I am home in my lover’s arms.  I am home with my children around me feeling safe.  I am home while holding a friend’s hand in need.  I am home through laughter and deep conversations.  But my true home, where I find peace, solace and acceptance, is nature. There in the waters of a river collecting heart-shaped rocks, and sitting on a giant boulder witnessing a waterfall, I am home again. The outside world becomes an illusion.   Struggles don’t exist in the mind.  Nature doesn’t judge or asks anything of what I’m not.  It accepts my essence in just being present in the stillness of the now.  In these moments problems melt, and like the decomposed soil, I shred the inklings of my humanness and become light in spirit.  It is meditation at its finest. It is life at its sweetest.  Nature allows me to get lost and find myself in the center of the universe.

ridge2

I watched a family of deer crossing the road on the way up the mountain.  The majestic presence of their daytime roaming out of the forest moved me. I had to stop on the side of the path and compose myself. Nature receives and recovers me. It is the bearing of all that I have become: mother, care taker, partner, lover, friend, spiritual consultant, and other professions that make the sum of me.  In this sum they are just hats I get to wear to live in human form.  Up high on the Blue Ridge Mountains I am home for a little while as my soul roams endlessly without boundaries.  Nature engulfs me and “home” becomes the only noun I can describe.

Last week I mailed my oldest son a package with some of his stuff. He called me immediately upon opening it, “Mom, I just got the box and when I opened it I could smell lavender and I miss home. Thank you for sending a little part of home to me.  I love you so much!” He was nostalgic. I was touched.  Home and its smells traveled a thousand miles.

This morningridge, at that moment of impact through the mountains, I inhaled the humid-stale air into my lungs and released all that had been stored for months. Yes, the smell of peppermint, rosemary and lavender is home.  It is my house and all that it entails to find comfort and a haven of familiarity.  It is a dwelling of security.  But up on the ridges, without contact from the world for a few hours I found my sanctuary. God sat by me marveling at the beauty He created while I whispered, “Thank you. It’s good to be back.  I am home again!”

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” ~ Anne Frank
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Learning Patience through Nature

Entrance to You

There are mornings I wake hearing the earth stretching and yawning.  I sit on my bed staring out the glass doors onto the pond, the backdrop of mountains and valley hearing a slight reaching and adjusting of nature.  It does not happen every day.  But, when I witness this softness, endless gratitude of earth, sky and water I find a sense of serenity beyond anything else in my life.  I find Spirit sitting with me and allowing me to reach a place of awareness that is unlike anything else.  It is in these moments that God holds my hand with love.

There are days when I go on a hike that I have to stop completely in the middle of the trail just to do a 360 and engulf every aspect of nature’s pace.  Patience is everywhere.  If we choose to listen to the way the earth behaves we would be among the wisest of all teachers. We could not be mean or nasty in the presence of such awareness.  Hatred would disappear for certain.

We are constantly rushing, moving, in a chaos that from the Heavens must look like an ant farm.  The earth doesn’t ask permission to sit, rest and enjoy the breeze…it just does it.  Nature doesn’t question about unworthiness, loneliness, isolation or anger.  It loves her presence in her space.  Nature is compassion and patience and love all embodied in Spirit.

Storms come and go.  The snow pours and melts.  The autumn changes and falls.  It is all an easy willingness and an acceptance of nature.  Nothing happens without a reason, and the earth welcomes each movement with respect and patience.  It is so much there to be admired and learned from each particle of existence.

It is so easy to forget where we are and where we are going while traveling in our lives.  It is impossible to most of us to take time to breathe in and exhale a peaceful moment.  Even if you don’t live by the ocean, or the countryside, or even the mountains, you have to find a balance in a place to make room for nature.  Whether it is walking to a park, or sitting outside for a little bit, you have to sit in the vastness of this world.  Once you are centered with it you can see the perspective of your own existence and dwelling.  Things start to slow down, shift and make ground for the next chapter.

I was rattled this morning with a vicious attitude from a woman on the phone.  I stepped outside for a bit allowing the sun to hit my skin.  I took off my shoes and walked barefooted on the wet grass.  I took the energy from the earth and let it balance me.  I don’t do well with nasty attitudes.  I don’t enjoy emotional attacks that I know have nothing to do with me.  I bounce them off to the universe with a love paddle.  These personas have nothing to do with me but bring an opportunity to see the darkness and appreciate the light even more.  I send love to those who need it.  Nature always teaches me to heal, to love, and to be grateful.  Won’t you join me there!

Welcome your day with gratitude.  “Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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